Fancy yourself a writer?
Yeah, me, too. I’m writing my tenth book. My first book was actually published by a small pub house in the 1990s. It was after this experience that the decision was made to go it alone, that is, be a one-man show: write, proofread and edit, re-edit, re-edit, re-edit, publish, market/promote, sell, and try very hard to understand the new internet language of the day. You know, URLs, Feeds, Links, Tags, Keywords, Blogs, Posts, Websites, Widgets, Twitter, Facebook, WordPress, on and on? That’s when it hit me like a bad tooth ache: I’m a freaking anachronism — I know nothing about this new digital world we live in.
Well, you can see I didn’t give up. You do see, right? Those nine books I’ve got on amazon.com? Really, you haven’t seen them? Well, you should… Whatever, with all my hooting and hollering, my ranting and raving, my wife sure wished at times that I would give up. I’ve tried the social media, nay, I’ve become a slave to the social media. There are several long visits each day to Twitter, to Facebook, to WordPress, to Goodreads, to Pin-It, to Google Plus, to my Website and blog sites, to two e-mail sites, et al. Now, being an older fellow, I’m up at 7:00-8:00 AM and, darn, before there’s a clue, it’s 5:00 PM and I’ve done virtually no writing at all. And everyone knows what happens at 5:00 PM, right? No, not cocktail hour! Well, maybe cocktail hour! But, the news of the day comes on at 5:00 PM, and, being good citizens of the world, we need to know what’s happening around the globe… So, now, it’s dinner time and soon to be 8:00 PM. My wife needs to watch a couple of TV shows. Now, it’s 11:00 PM. I’ve got no juice left for writing my masterpiece. I take a pill and go to bed. No writing!
That’s the point! No Writing! I want to write and finish that tenth book (I like even numbers!). Yet, like all of us ‘best selling authors’ (mind your chuckles!), there is the almost prurient side of me that wants the books I’m writing to sell — like, viral sell! Time is of the essence for me (playing the age card!) and I’m beginning to wish this electronic age had not been so fast and furious in coming at us. It would just be so very nice to have a publisher again, a good one, a publisher who expertly handles the nitty-gritty details of editing and promotion. They would surely find more of my errata than I’m likely to find. They could likely even suggest ways to make my masterpieces even better — it’s okay to ‘yuk-yuk.’
Anyway, there are so many ways today to confuse us poor beat-up writers, to keep us from doing what it is we really want to do. Sure, there are those with the ‘e pluribus unum’ to hire publicists and get these things done, but I’m a stingy stick-in-the-mud who has just got to do it his very own way, goofs and all.
So, the question is: Is there someone out there who will work pro bono and get me out of this mess I’m in?
Okay, if you’re all going to sit there laughing your fool heads off, I’m outta here!