On my mental sofa today – well, I’m there pretty much every day! – playing my usual mind games…driven by the mood of the moment. The mood of the moment today is yet another act in the on-going saga of introspective nonsense. You know, those moments when you try to make sense of who you are and how you came to be that way. Now, I’m aware that it clearly might be the medication(s) that I daily swallow after a bowl of cereal, an English muffin, eggs on toast, or a bagel with cream cheese (thorough, am I not, with the details?).
Let’s see if this happens in your life. My British heritage nags me to say, ‘Jolly good thought’!
There are days when I feel absolutely splendid, ready to go, do things, experiment with life, and/or happily complacent to sit and jab at the keys of my laptop…there is after all my thirteenth book that has to be finished. Procrastination is always so easy of course and the writing will wait. Maybe shopping for a new piece of home furniture will get me out of the house – or buying a gift for my lovely wife… It is after all a fact that Christmas is but a week away. Well, the decision will be made after my little mental break here.
There are days when the apathy and ‘what’s it all about?’ mood entrenches its ugly mood within the cloudy space between the ears. Why is it I’m so restless? Why is it nothing really seems to matter so much? I write blog posts that express my views on a particular nation/world situation and the responses are usually from the same sweet people, dutifully mollifying me. That’s all appreciated and wonderful, but I’m convinced that my words will likely make no difference in the way people think. We are who we are and tend to stay that way. My books get some good reviews from friends and some strangers, yet they are not very likely as good as I thought them to be…they are, really! I’m a man in his late twilight years, can’t do the things I could once do very well, find myself envying the young, their lives out there in front of them with no end in sight… Jeez, I’m an upbeat sort of guy – it must be the medications! No, Billy Boy, you’ve always been the ‘moth to light’, ‘wisp in the wind’ kind of fellow. Accept it, tomorrow will be a better day.
There are days when the news is so bad and I’m so angry with our political leaders I want to put a fist into the wall. So, I write a blog post instead – finding my group of positive sympathizers, pissing off everyone else! The thoughts jumble as I think about my kids, my grandkids, my great grandkids, wonder what kind of world they will live in. Hey, I know the world changes! How could it not with all the scientific and technological advances, the computer programs, the war games, the wonder. The cowboy movies of my past have given over to digital madness and magic – it’s a natural progression! I get that! But it pisses me off! Too much change! Too much anger and rage! Too much division among our people! Should love change? Should marriage ‘til death do us part’ change? Should God and son Jesus Christ not be mentioned anymore? Should Islamic Radicals – hell, terrorists! – be the new order, cutting off heads, killing for their ideology? Should Cuba now be a vacation spot for us, spending our bucks in a country that violates civil rights big time? Should we not remember the ‘Twin Towers’ and the death of 3,000 of our citizens? Should we do away with the CIA, those guys that saved thousands of lives a few short years ago, now maligned by political people who don’t or won’t remember too well and want childishly and ridiculously ‘to get even’ with their counterparts?
Well, you get the drift! Daft or not, that’s what I’m thinking…
It’s either the damned medication or the news of the day or just me! I suspect it’s the latter.
I’m so angry, I’m going out and run up my credit card bill! I’m still going to believe in God and the US Constitution! I’m still going to be conservative! I’m not going to beat my wife! I can’t promise but it’s not my plan to run any red lights or break any laws while I’m out spending money today.
Man, am I messed up???
Billy Ray Chitwood – December 19, 2014
MERRY CHRISTMAS AND HAPPY NEW YEAR!
You know I have to do it! I’ve got to promote one of my books…otherwise, why be on the internet? It’s a mystery, thriller, suspenseful, with a weird plot and all. The book was inspired by an actual murder in Phoenix, Arizona. There were also actual murders in Texas, Pennsylvania, and California during the same time-frame. Of course, I use some poetic license…that’s why it is fiction! The murder in Phoenix started the ‘wheels turning’ and the book became Satan’s Song. A mother wants final closure on her daughter’s grotesque murder, and Bailey Crane, a different kind of sleuth, a fusing and musing sleuth, wishes to give her that closure. Please give a read and, if disposed, write a review on Amazon.
Amazon US: http://www.goo.gl/ko2AW8
Amazon UK: http://www.goo.gl/nkgHfv
Amazon Worldwide: http://authl.it/1sw
http://billyraychitwood.weebly.com (Bio – Books – Reviews)
http://facebook.com/billyrayscorner (‘like’ page)
http://amazon.com/author/billyraychitwood (Author Page)
http://www.goo.gl/fuxUA (Independent Author Network – IAN)
http://asmsg.com (Authors Social Media Support Group)
My nine blog awards, of which I’m very proud, are not listed in the interest of space…see them in my archived posts.